My (So-Called) Dating Life

I used to focus on finding a beautiful girl and getting into a relationship with her. Often, it was at the cost of other areas of my life, like my social and work lives. I'm not sure why it was so important to me. Maybe it was to enhance my perceived status with others. Maybe it was to boost my confidence. If I had a beautiful girlfriend who adored me, I would have a one-up on someone who didn't, right? Or, maybe I just wanted to make out. Perhaps it was a combination of all of the above. (It definitely had to include option 3).

Whatever was the reason for it, I "set the woman up on the highest pedestal" in my life, as my good friend Tye once told me. But my highest priorities in a woman "on the highest pedal" usually had little to do with her character. If I can be very frank, I was almost always more interested in her charm and beauty. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe these are characteristics one should not look for in a female. But they are far from the vital characteristics. That is, unless you want to go insane over the long-haul (which you very well may regardless).

As I am getting older, however, and since my last relationship ended almost a year ago, I have begun looking for other characteristics in my future "significant other," those that are not as "deceptive" and "fleeting" as charm and beauty. Believe me, I have dated some women with amazing character. But, I figure that because I am getting older, any woman I date now will most likely have the characteristics of someone whom I will eventually marry. It is not 100% probable, but it is still probable. So, I figure I better look for someone whose thoughts and actions closely mirror those I aspire to now. And, as a corollary, I better begin thinking and acting to the standard I aspire to now. No sense in "regressing," as my roommate Karyn says.

As I have been spending a lot more time in the Bible in the past 10 months than I ever have before, I came across some provoking questions to ask about someone I want to date and potentially marry. They are my list of priorities in a potential mate:
-Does she love and fear the Lord? (Proverbs 31:30)
-Can I have full confidence in her in all aspects of her life? (31:11)
-Would she bring good, and not harm, to my life? (31:12)
-Does she work vigorously and wisely to profit and provide for herself and those close to her? (31:13-19)
-Does she care for the needy? (31:20)
-Does she plan ahead for hard times? (31:21-22)
-Would her life bring me respect and praise? (31:23)
-Does she exhibit strength and dignity? (31:25)
-Does she speak wisdom and instruct faithfully? (31:26)
-Does she wisely attend to her affairs? (31:27)
-Would I be able to praise her for her thoughts and actions? (31:28-29)
Naturally, many of these questions make me turn inward to my own thoughts and actions. Do my own thoughts and actions square up with these standards?
More important than my focus on a future mate is my focus on who I am in Christ. (My friend Whitney called me on this one - Thanks, Whit!) This idea leads me to some further priorities:
-Do I take each thought captive and make it obedient to Christ - to make it in line with Him? (2 Cor. 10:5)
-Do I meditate on God's word day and night so that I can act it out? (Joshua 1:8, James 1:25)
-Do I think and act as though I know that Jesus is the "way, the truth, and the life," and that no one sees God except through Him? (John 14:6)
-Do I love God and love my neighbor as myself? (Matthew 22:36-40)
I will add more and more priorities as time goes on. But these seem to be enough priorities for several lifetimes, let alone the only one I'm guaranteed here on Earth. And if I were to evaluate myself honestly, I don't know if I'd be passing. And if I were to have my friends evaluate me on these, I wonder how they would respond...

Perhaps it's time for some rearranging, some "summer cleaning" before India. I'm going to preach much of these latter priorities there, and only if necessary would I like to use words.